The Final Revisions?

Today I made the following changes to my book:

• I changed the word guff to bunk (guff already used once)
• I referred to a novel by Audrey Niffenegger instead of Tibor Fischer (as he gets a mention earlier)

And that's that. Revisions done. I'm not changing another word of my novel, The World According to Boring John until/unless a publisher/editor asks me to do so.

So I will ignore the fact that I'm not sure about how I've numbered my chapters (apart from the first chapter, of course!). And the fact that I think there may still be too many repetitions AND - worse still! - that parts of the novel just aren't funny enough.

All of these things will just have to remain as they are. Enough is enough. It's the end of the year, and time for a rest. And in 2009 I want to start a second (more normal) novel. And I will.

Merry Christmas everyone

PS If you would like to see what all the fuss has been about these last couple of years, you can download an ebook version of my novel here. (You'll need a password, though. But I'm sure if you ask Boring John nicely enough, that he'll send it to you.)

Revisions... "I can't stands it no more!"

I've nearly finished re-reading the latest draft of The World According to Boring John. And I must say it's been very draining. I think I've got comma blindness, actually. I'm either adding commas, removing semi-colons, changing colons to em-dashes or undoing such changes I made the last time I looked at a piece of prose. Or I find one word appearing again, either too soon or it's such a word that should only make a single entrance/exit... Oh my, will this revision process never end!

Perhaps I am remembering something Nick Daws once wrote in his Write Quickly ebook about revision. He basically said if it's seven out of ten good enough then leave it alone. I'm trying to create word-perfect when I really don't have the skills or experience to do so.

A few days ago I thought the chapters were starting to sag. Whilst today I think the best chapter (now split into two) - I coulda Been a Contender - is a little bit long, and not funny enough.

Wow, it really is tough trying to modify detail whilst keeping an eye of the big picture too.

I think - and I'm not sure if this an admission of failure or success, here - that I'm just going to have to finish my final revision with the thought that this is the best I can do! And leave it at that.

Otherwise, there will never be time to write my second novel.

Final corrections?

I've just finished another revision of The World According to Boring John. Finished it yesterday. I'm pleased about this, but also somewhat dismayed when I had thought the book was completed in January. And I have no doubt I'll find some 'mistakes', or something not quite right, when I reread the book again in a couple of weeks. Hmm, when will it ever end? (I certainly don't want to be making nit-picking changes ad infinitum, that's for sure.)

Anyway, the corrections I'm going to be making today include going through the manuscript looking for certain phrases. I want to make sure that they are necessary in each case they occur. And those phrases? Well, they include such gems as...

• 'this book', 'this', 'this thing' etc. (should it be in italics or not?)
  
• 'sucks' (should I use this word quite so often?)
• 'contractual agreement' versus 'contractual arrangement' (look for the word, 'contract')
  
• 'see' versus 'y'see' versus 'you see'
• Do I need all of my heehees and hehehs?
• 'Ya' versus 'you'
  

And, after reading the briefest of a piece about Kurt Vonnegut and his dislike of the semi-colon, I want to review all of my semi-colons - most of which are probably used incorrectly, alas. (Oh to have gone to a grammar school when I was a child!)

Okay, best crack on with it, then!...

PS Down to a wordcount of 69, 360 words

Further Edits

Hmm, I am making further edits to the book. These include little tweaks here and there - changes in punctuation, sentences that don't work - but it also includes removing large portions of text (in some cases nearly a whole chapter).

Alas, I think I could edit this manuscript for ever and find a slightly different way of saying something. But that is not going to happen. I'm half-way through editing and will do one last full read-through after that. And then that will be that.

I got book #2 to write

The Last Rewrite?

I'm hoping that today is the beginning of my last rewrite of The World According to Boring John.

It needs a rewrite, for sure. I read two sample chapters and whilst I was happy with the Dear Zadie chapter (very happy), I was not happy at all with another chapter, The Man Who Loved Making Lists. (It was too long, and it didn't 'work' - well enough, anyway.)

I then decided to re-read the full manuscript - some 8 months after last working on it. Verdict: an enjoyable read, with lots of good bits, but the middle section sagged.

So I now have a few notes, from myself and from some published authors to process. Bill Broady, Jill McNeill and Kate Long all gave me some useful feedback on the chapters that they read. It's up to me to see how much (if at all) I agree with their comments (removing all the "hee hee's" is going to be a bit tedious, for a start - but maybe it's necessary).

I also think I'm going to begin rewriting near the middle of the manuscript on a chapter I'm fairly happy with, before I have to get my teeth into the chapter that needs most work. :-O And then I can progress through the book from that chapter onwards, in order, and finish my rewriting efforts on chapters I'm happier with near the start of the manuscript. (Otherwise I feel I might end up with a polished beginning and an unpolished end. And that sounds painful, as Boring John might say.)

But before all that can begin (tomorrow) I have to organise my writing space, tidy my notes, find my various critiques etc. Yes, it sounds like more procrastinating I know but tomorrow will be different.

25-word Descriptions (and less)

I had some success writing about my book in less than 25 words. (Though you may well disagree.) And I managed to come up with some straplines too.

So, in no particular order (I think!), here are the straplines followed by the 25-word descriptions of The World According to Boring John. (This is in response to this one-sentence book description post I made a while back.)

Straplines

Lad-lit without the bombs and boobs

"It's a novel Jim, but not as we know it!"

Move over Clarkson, there's a new moaner in town!

Life, the universe and everything (except Jeremy Clarkson!)

A monologue about 'life', when all he really wanted was a roll with a James Bond girl.

25-Word Descriptions

Monologue on 'life, the universe, everything' by a character who'd much rather be in a James Bond novel. So he starts changing his lines...

How I wrote my first novel, as narrated by a character who'd much rather have starred in a James Bond novel.

Journeyman character doesn't think much to his monologue routine. So he decides to hijack his first starring role by changing his lines, slowly at first...

His monologue awaits; but he'd rather star in a James Bond novel. So Boring John tries to get his writer to quit - gently, at first...

Contractually committed to the project, Boring John doubts his writer is up to the job. So he decides to change his lines - slowly, at first...

Haunted by one too many blank pages, the main character decides to end things the only way contractually allowed - by getting his writer to quit.

Fearful of the demands of the word-count, Boring John decides to end things the only way contractually allowed - by getting his writer to quit.

Disillusioned with how his first starring role is shaping up, Boring John decides to hijack the project and get his writer to quit.

His first ever leading role, but he disagrees with the book's premise. So the protagonist attempts to use it to get his writer to quit.

Ignoring nearly all the rules of writing, a writer sets out to prove his premise. Boring John disagrees and tries to stop him

Unhappy with his 'life, the universe and everything' monologue, Boring John decides to moan about his writer instead - to try to get him to quit.

"And that's how two characters should dance together in life" is fine. The battle is on between writer and protagonist for what *else* gets said.

Determined to exorcise the demons of the blank page, a first-time writer struggles to boost the word-count in this monologue about life, the universe, everything.

The world's first 'how I wrote this novel' as voiced by a reluctant, increasingly petulant main character who'd much rather be in a James Bond book.

Nothing more than a monologue on life, the universe, everything - without Clarkson - by a character who'd much rather be in a James Bond novel instead?

---

Note: you can read the synopsis I just sent to Capel and Land here (watch out for Boring John, though!).

78 Reasons...

78 Reasons Why Your Book May Never Be Published & 14 Reasons Why It Just Might

This book, written by Pat Walsh, does what it says on the tin, and I'm not going to review the book here! I just want to say (to Pat if he's reading) that I really enjoyed reading the book - yes, there's bluntness, but there's sneaky bits of humour too (yes, dear reader, I laughed out loud a couple of times). And, of course, there is much sound advice about getting your novel (or work of non-fiction) published.

So, to Pat: "Thanks. Your 78 Reasons book did not put me off. If anything, it encouraged me to keep on doing everything necessary so that I (eventually) become a published author."

Similar Books - A List...

Okay, I'm going to use Amazon.co.uk as part of my research tool to find publishers that might want to publish, The World According to Boring John. I'm going to find similar books. Not possible, on one level, as WATBJ is completely unique (ha ha, how many writers say that about their books! lol), but possible on another level as I'm simply looking for weird.

(EDIT: Another research tool that does a similar thing is What Should I Read Next? which tells you what to read next based on the last book you've just read. It suggested The End of Mr Y based on Raw Shark Texts, for example.)

Here's the list of possible similar books:

1. The End of Mr Y by Scarlett Thomas (PopCo also.)
   
   Reason: this review on Amazon, "the end product is contrived, forced, try-hard, boring, pretentious nonsense" and the fact that a variety of non-fiction themes play an important role
   
   Not that I'm into pretentious (moi?) but it's a good enough way to describe WATBJ, I guess. :-(
   
   
2. Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall
   
   Reason: my friend (a writer) said it was weird and I would like it (and she's read a bit of WATBJ). Also, this review on Amazon has some resonances with WATBJ, "If postmodern literature has degengerated from behemoths, true greats, like Money by Martin Amis, to this, constantly referring to OTHER things, then where, I ask you, will greatness spring forth again?"
   
   
3. Money: A Suicide Note by Martin Amis (London Fields is definitely not similar!)
   
   Reason: postmodern monologue (apparently) which is exactly what WATBJ is. Shame I'm not as clever and gifted a writer as Mr Amis, eh! Hmm.
   
   
4. Emotionally Weird by Kate Atkinson (Behind the Scenes at the Museum also)
   
   Reason: Amazon reviewers claim it to 'experimental writing'. It includes "for reasons of padding, excerpts from [the character's] monumentally bad writing". Hmm, sounds familiar. I like this from one reviewer too, "In her latest book Kate Atkinson's teases the reader, backtracking and rewriting the plot, killing and resurrecting characters, indulging in word games and supplying her own ongoing critique." How funny.
   
   
5. The Atrocity Exhibition by JG Ballard
   
   Reason: Hmm, not too sure. Lol
   
   
6. Glass Soup by Jonathan Carroll
   
   Reason: No real reason, actually - it just looks an interesting ('magical') book.
   
   
7. The Man in My Basement by Walter Mosley
   
   Reason: I like this comment from one Amazon reviewer: "I heartily recommend this book to those who enjoy novels that explore moral questions in challenging ways". Not that Boring John does this, but I'd like my next books to do so
   
   
8. Finding Myself by Toby Litt
   
   Reason: Well any book that where a reviewer says this, "Nothing happens and yet still its good" has to get the Boring John vote! Lol And this comment from another reviewer, "...succeeds in commenting constantly upon its own structure while hardly ever becoming tiresomely self-referential" means that Finding Myself is my #1 pick, so far!
   
   Note to self: published as Lad Lit by Penguin Books Ltd!
   
   VERDICT: Toby's book is (to me) metafictional chick-lit. I loved all the cross-outs and references to writing, and readers, and being a writer, but it was still - alas! - chick lit. I CAN see lots of similarities to what the book represents to Toby. It feels like Toby is reflecting on how an author, namely Toby Litt, would write a 6th novel. Toby comes up with a writer-character called Victoria About, an idea for a 6th novel in synopsis form, and the mostly unedited manuscript of how that book idea turned out. That is Finding Myself.
   
   Whilst Boring John is me reflecting on how I would write a first novel, with all the non-twists and turns, and all the pressures on a first time writer getting to grips with the main character, etc.
   
   YES I shall be contacting Toby Litt today about my novel.
   (Sun 8th, Feb - 11.46 Barcelona, Spain time.)
   
   
9. Only as Good as Your Word: Writing Lessons from My Favorite Literary Gurus by Susan Shapiro
   
   Reason: This is a memoir about writing and 'life' and the relationship between the two. Tenuous really, I guess, but Boring John certainly discusses that relationship too.
   
   
10. The Contortionist's Handbook by Craig Clevenger
    
    Reason: Well Pat Walsh said this (in his 78 Reasons book about getting published) of Craig, "He wanted to write the first in a new branch of literature... His task entailed incorporating the tenets governing his influences while telling his story in a way no other story’s been told before..." Sounds interesting indeed, though the Amazon reviewers indicate a more 'normal' book than that, other than what was said here by someone who didn't like the it: "All style, no substance... nothing actually happens!" Hmmm.
    
    VERDICT: Well I guess nothing much does happen. I guess Craig tells a story in a way no other story's been told before (maybe). And it is an impressive first novel but it's not the sort of book I want (or am able) to write. Sorry, Johnny!
    
    So that means... NOT relevant to Boring John
    (Feb 8th, 2009)
    
    
11. Broken by Karin Fossum (Harvill Seeker.)
    
    Reason: Taken from the synopsis at Amazon, "A woman wakes one night to find that a strange man has walked into her bedroom... The woman is an author and the man one of her prospective characters." And, then this from an Amazon review, "By letting the character talk to the author, and therefore the reader, off stage as it were, it in a way lets the reader into the process more than usual too".
    
    Fossum's book discusses a similar theme to Boring John, too, "how anxiety prevents one becoming fully human and good." I suspect she's done a better job than me (oops!) - well Broken has a story for one thing, lol - but I am still encouraged.
    
    Also, it's in the tradition of Auster(*) and Calvino(**) too, but I have absolutely no idea what that means lol. Still, I'm going to make this my #2 book.
    
    (*) Okay, okay I am going to read Paul Auster's The New York Trilogy: "City of Glass", "Ghosts" and "Locked Room" written ages ago. Who knew all this 'author appearing as character commenting on plot' stuff was so common! Lol
    (**) And, okay, I am going to read Italo C If on a Winter's Night a Traveller
    Satisfied? Lol.
    
    
12. If on a Winter's Night a Traveller by Italo Calvino
    
    If you're expecting me to describe this amazingly original and inventive book here, then you can forget it. It's definitely metafiction. It's definitely about writing and reading and being read (to a degree). And it's definitely about words - really well-written words. If this book is not a masterpiece then I don't know what is.
    
    VERDICT: This is SOoooooooo what Boring John is all about (and soooooooo much better written and inciteful and... - bloody Calvino is the greatest Italian writer in the 20th century, for goodness sake). Fantastic. Brilliant. And far, far, far too clever
    
    CAN'T contact IC about BJ though as he is RIP
    (Feb 8th, 2009)
    
    
13. The Music of Chance by Paul Auster
    Read this. Didn't feel like experimental writing at all. Felt a bit like the journey experienced by Herman Hesse's Siddharta, though more as parable. Enjoyed it. But not sure why Auster wrote it. But maybe this is because I'm still learning about why writers write. To me, though, it felt right a really good example of creative writing - but it said nothing to me. Anyway...
    
    VERDICT: NOPE
    (Feb 8th, 2009)
    
    
14. Book 14 follows soon (I hope)
15. 
    

(If I can find ten to twenty books then I'll be laughing.)

My First Acceptance

Not long after I received my first rejection letter from a publisher I got my first acceptance, from Athena Press.

Wow! That was a special feeling indeed. Athena Press were going to publish my book. Bluemoose Books could go stuff themselves, Athena Press were going to publish it! Whoohooh!

It seemed a bit easy this publishing lark, and the report on my book (Athena had asked me to send the whole manuscript to them, for a reader to write a report) was flattering but mostly irrelevant to the book I'd written, but still I was buzzing, until...

Until I read that Athena Press would want me to pay £4000 - 4 x £1000 (that represented the 4 phases of publishing my book) - for the privilege.

What? I have to pay them to get my book published?

A few seconds later...

Aaargh, vanity publishing, vanity publishing!

If ever Homer Simpson's D'oh was needed it was this time!

...So after some consideration - longer than you might imagine - I declined Athena Press's offer. Though the idea of my book being printed did feel very appealing, I have to tell you! £4000 is not that much money! (The poor reader who had to read Boring John and make sense of it. Hee hee. They clearly did not understand what they were reading. Oops - d'oh!)

My First Rejection

I submitted 3 chapters of my manuscript, The World According to Boring John, together with synopsis and covering letter to Bluemoose Books, quite some time ago. And, two months later (I think) I received a rejection, penned by Kevin Duffy himself. They didn't want my book! They had enough on their plate for both 2008 and 2009, apparently - fancy that!

My first rejection was a bit deflating, I have to admit, but I guess rejection gets easier each time it happens.

And I really haven't tried very hard to get my book published (as you can tell from the lack of blog posts, here). In fact, feedback from Bluemoose Books - any feedback - was welcomed.

Now all I need to work out is whether it was my book that wasn't good enough or my synopsis and covering letter...

PS I got my first acceptance letter soon after though! :-) (No, that should be :-( )

PPS And yesterday, after I read this piece by Randy Ingermarson on describing my book in one sentence, I decided to go back to the drawing board before trying to get my book published with anyone else (though I did start doing some research on Amazon)

FINISHED!

WRITER'S LOG: Jan 24th, 2008

Yes, I've finished my final draft of my book. Yippee! And, even more importantly, I've decided I like the book again (some of the early chapters are weak, that's all).

After working on it all day every day from Monday to today - which means I didn't do any 'work' - I have finally got to the last page, more or less satisfied! And it's a great, great feeling.

I know that there's more work to be done - a little tidy here, a little tidy there - but I can knock that off in a few days, for sure! Now I have to find a publisher. That's the next job!

Anyway, to all those people who are following my progress here (haha! - that's no one, then!), I feel good. Ecstatic, even! (And also relieved). Time for a beer. And then...

Onwards!...

WRITER'S LOG: Jan 21st, 2008

I wrote this on a scrap of paper at 4pm, today:

"My mind has gone numb today, numb to words. And I have another hour to do. Another several days revision to do, actually."

It was quite strange. After spending a whole morning and a few hours this afternoon working on the latest version of my manuscript my brain seemed to seize up, literally. It was quite discomfiting. I really feel like I'm running out of steam when it comes to making further revisions to my writing. And that's a depressing thought.

I'm also having serious doubts as to the seriousness of what I've spent a whole year working on. (This was not helped by all the errors I found in the latest draft - see below.)

Hopefully, these doubts will pass. (Today is meant to be the saddest day of the year, after all - who knows these things?) And, hopefully, the experience I've gained will help me write something serious or proper the next time.

Let's hope so.

--

WRITER'S LOG: Jan 18th, 2008

I can't believe how many 'errors' I'm finding in the latest draft of my book(*). It's so disheartening. I also can't believe how tiring it is to find the right words. And the last thing I can't is the fact that I can't do this - go through the manuscript, and revise - whilst sitting in this quiet library. I have to be able to read my manuscript out loud, for one thing, and I don't think I can work in a library for another.

So I'm going to stop. I'll go to Leeds early instead, I think, and find something else to do before I go to the cinema at 7.55pm - it's 2.37pm, now. (I'm off to watch the latest Coen Brothers' movie, No Country For an Old Man - hmm, how similar that title is to old man Kurt Vonnegut's last book, Man Without a Country.)

It's going to take me at least one week to revise this manuscript now, for sure, and even then it won't be done. (I'll have to check my revisions - another few days, at least.) I should have finished writing it by now, and be now looking for someone to publish. And I should be reading novels again after my self-imposed ban of not reading anything fictional since starting my book in January 2007. I so want to read some fiction, too, to get ideas for my next book.

Note to self: I MUST GET THIS BOOK FINISHED BY JAN 29, 2008! I must.

Nobody said it was going to be easy, I guess. Bloody annoying, though. Wish the first few pages weren't so awkward (and lame) but then (maybe) they have to be - first line jitters and all that. Vamos!

* I found 50 errors in the first 5 or so pages.

WRITER'S LOG: Jan 14th, 2008

"Just finished writing (and proofing) The World According to Boring John "EXTRAS" - a kind of DVD Extras edition of my main 'novel'. And it's a fabulous feeling to finally finish some part of the book that I originally started to write in January 2007.

"Admittedly, I never envisaged creating an "Extras" version of my novel in the first place - I never envisaged writing anything but a normal novel, for that matter - but that's where the creative process took me, I guess.

"I'm hoping that the "Extras" ebook (not even sure how I should refer to it) will work as both extras and sampler - the ebook really does give a flavour of the book. I'm hoping that people will download the free ebook, read it, make comments, and then be interested in reading the main book, when (if) it gets published.

"That's what I'm hoping, anyway.

"Maybe it might even help get my main book published - who knows?

"I do like the idea of a DVD Extras for books. And, in this electronic age that we live in, I really think 'book extras' will take off. (They could contain alternate endings, examples of prose before it was reworked fifty times, material that didn't make the cut, etc., And they'd always be available for free, online, to download. (Note: this is exactly how the Boring John EXTRAS 'work', by the way, both in content and how that content is delivered.) )

"I Wonder what name 'book extras' will be given, if any. Hmm, maybe The Extras Edition of [book name goes here]. We shall see."

END

Note: This is the first entry of the Writer's Log to appear in this Write a First Novel blog. Previous journal entries detailing my progress in writing my first book (now called The World According to Boring John) were first written on paper (all entries prior to this one, now appear in the "Extras" ebook talked about above.

The Writer's Log that I started in early 2007, some of which appears in The World According to Boring John, is the main reason why this blog has had few entries in 2007. It was just easier to write about what was happening as regards the writing of my first book with pen and paper.

The Writer's Log will probably now just blend into this blog. Maybe. Just look for items labelled Writer's Log to find out, I guess.